Getting alongside people in complicated or chaotic situations can be really challenging. Maybe, like me, those circumstances make you want to run in the opposite direction, or you find yourself frustrated or feeling hopeless.

Some of Jesus’ most memorable interactions in the Bible were with ‘messy people’. Think of ‘the women at the well’ (John 4:1-42), Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-10) and ‘the sinful woman’ (Luke 7:36-50). These three individuals were viewed as messy by those around them.

What can we learn from Jesus and his interactions with these ‘messy people’?

You are a messy person...

...as am I. The surrounding crowds in these stories were so focused on the messiness of others that they failed to see their own mess and their own need for Jesus.

You and I aren’t that different from the ‘messy people’ we are seeking to get alongside. Maybe our mess looks a little different, but it’s still there. We need Jesus just as much as they do – we need saving just as much as they do.

Don’t miss your own mess. Know your own need and allow Jesus to minister to you.

You can only get alongside someone well if you are drawing near to Jesus, allowing him by his Spirit to strengthen you and ground you in his love (Ephesians 3:16-19).

Jesus doesn’t withhold himself from messy people…

...in fact, he moves towards them. He shows them compassion and spends time with them. With ‘the woman at the well’ he goes at the hottest time of the day, which would have been physically uncomfortable and frowned upon socially. Jesus invites himself into the home of Zaccheus, crossing the threshold of a much-hated tax collector and he allows the sinful woman near enough to wet his feet with her tears.

What would it look like for you to move towards that ‘messy person’ instead of away from them – even if it might not feel comfortable and others may frown on it.

Perhaps you could invite them for a meal, a coffee or a walk, or visit them at their home (if they are willing).

What I am not saying is that we give someone all of our time and all of ourselves.* We aren’t Jesus. However, we shouldn’t be like the crowds surrounding Jesus who tried to keep the messy people at a distance.

Jesus dignifies them…

...by humbly asking them to meet his needs. Jesus asks ‘the woman at the well’ for water and goes to Zacchaeus’ house to eat. There is something so dignifying about him asking them to provide for him. It’s such a contrast to others around them who degrade them.

Getting alongside someone doesn’t have to be one sided. It can also look like them serving you. If they want to feed you a meal or assist you in some way, let them. If you need help then consider asking them to walk your dog (if you have one), to help you prepare a meal, to put some Ikea furniture together, or simply to lend you some sugar.

Jesus is their saviour…

...and he offers these messy people forgiveness, new life and healing.

We can’t do that because we aren’t him. We aren’t their saviour. It’s so easy to develop a ‘saviour complex’ – to think we can fix everything (I’ve been there), when in reality only Jesus can change their situation.

As you get alongside them, point them to Jesus not yourself. Show them all that he has to offer in their situation. Read them what he promises to them in the Bible.

Jesus prays for messy people…

...for their protection, their joy and that they will be transformed by truth. John 17 records one of his prayers for all those that follow him.

Pray for the person you are getting alongside, especially when you feel frustrated or hopeless. Bring them before God, the one on whom our hope for change rests. He is in the business of transformation. Allow him to fill you with hope for their situation.

*A note on dependency

Sometimes the situations of the people we walk with have the potential to be all consuming. I’ve been there, sat in a hospital for 10 hours, exhausted and feeling close to losing my own mind. My mistake was proudly thinking I could somehow save the person, when in reality I wasn’t really helping them and I was hurting myself.

Now, I always seek to point people to help that I can’t give them (professional) and ensure that there are other people around them to support them, not just me. Never be the only person in someone’s life because you will likely let them down and it could cost your own health. Do remain alongside them, if you feel able, but put healthy boundaries in place.