‘I want to go deeper in my relationship with God. A few harder things have happened in my life in the last two years and it’s causing me to ask big questions about the place of faith in my life.’ 

The person who said this to me last week is a faithful churchgoer, who tries to read their Bible and pray. On the outside things are absolutely fine, but on the inside there is a gap: if Jesus is who he says he is then there has to be more.

How would you respond if someone said this to you?

We often answer these kinds of cries with resources: the latest book, a sermon, maybe a good podcast – all good stuff. But in that well-intentioned response we sometimes miss the most important answer to this question. A relational longing requires a relational answer. Let me explain: this person was asking about the reality and depth of their relationship with God and the primary way God is calling us to answer that is with a relationship, a relationship that draws them to God in the nitty gritty of their everyday life – ‘life on life’ discipleship as we like to call it.

Life on life

The Apostle Paul’s favourite way to help Christians grow wasn’t letters (although he wrote a lot of them). He longed to be ‘with’ the people he cared about (or failing that, to send someone else who could walk alongside them: a Timothy, a Priscilla or Aquila). The reason this mattered to Paul was because the Christian faith is not just truth, it has to be lived truth or it will remain detached from reality.

It’s not easy being a Christian, applying the truth and life of Jesus into the complexities of our relationships and culture. We need people with us, who really know us and love us, and with whom we can be honest. Disciple-making relationships are not about advanced skills or superior knowledge, but a quality of relationship that is marked by openness with one another and a relentless focus on Jesus.

Hidden resources

When Paul sent a Timothy or Titus, it wasn’t just into their Sunday gatherings, but also into the depths of their lives and communities. It is hard to grasp just how relationally connected people were in ancient times compared to today. We tend to live in enclaves, detached from others and protected by the walls of our homes and cliques, but in the ancient world this kind of hiddenness was largely unknown – lives were interwoven between family, work, neighbourhood and worship.

Listen to the way Paul describes Timothy, whom he is sending to the Philippians:

I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon … I have no one else like him, who will show genuine concern for your welfare. For everyone looks out for their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 2:19-21 NIV)

Notice what Paul commends in Timothy: not that he was an advanced theologian or expert counsellor, but that he showed Jesus’ concern for people’s needs. Here is a man who loved really well and who trusted Jesus to bring real change to people’s lives. This is the heart of a disciple-maker.

But I’m not…

We so often disqualify ourselves from being used by God because we struggle or we don’t know enough. I was first discipled as a 20-year-old by a retiree in her 60s, who carried the pain of her divorce and who felt God couldn’t use her. That woman changed my life – because she loved me deeply, she encouraged me in my faith, and it was all about Jesus. She believed in me and gave me hope that somehow God was in the business of using people like this mess of a young man she found in front of her.

How would you answer my friend’s question?

God uses ordinary people’s relationships for the deepest transformation. It doesn’t have to be clever or sophisticated. There are already people he’s placed around you that you could get alongside – people who long to go deeper with him and people who haven’t yet encountered him. Also, the reality is that such Jesus-focused relationships are always mutual, so you will benefit as much as the person to whom you make yourself available.

The most significant resources for the spiritual growth and the missional impact of the church in the UK are ordinary people and the potential for their relationships to be used by God. We have loads of resources to help you get going (navigators.co.uk/online-shop), but the biggest challenge is the willingness to make yourself available to God in your relationships in the first place. Are you up for the adventure of your life?