‘Listen to all the conversations of the world… They are for the most part dialogues of the deaf. Exceedingly few exchanges of viewpoints manifest a real desire to understand the other person.’

When Dr Paul Tournier wrote these words back in the 1960s, he couldn’t have imagined the world in which we now find ourselves. The technological revolution is transforming the way we communicate with one another. In many ways it’s fantastic – so much easier (and cheaper) to pass on information and news across the globe. But we have also become overly enamoured with the superficial, with quick bites of entertainment. If what you’re saying doesn’t grab me straight away, you’ve lost me. Txt spk has casually dumbed down our speech, reducing it to acronyms and emojis. IKR, I hear you concur.

In a world full of connection, we often feel more disconnected than ever.

Yet it’s slightly lazy to place all the blame at the feet of smartphones and other devices. The fact that Paul Tournier was talking about this back in the dark ages before the internet was even born shows that the problem isn’t fundamentally with our technology. It seems that humans throughout the ages haven’t always listened to each other well.

And that’s why, if we’re thinking of getting alongside someone, learning to listen to them is a simple but profound place to start. Anyone can do it!

A few years ago I heard of someone in Glasgow who had seen several of his friends come to know Jesus. When he was asked how that had happened, he replied simply, ‘I don’t know, I was just interested in them.’

He’d spent some time listening to the stories of their lives, and during the course of that they’d discovered that God was already at work. God was already at work. This guy didn’t do anything special, he just asked a few questions and listened to their answers.

Sometimes when we talk about ‘making disciples’ or ‘getting alongside someone’ we conjure up images of specially trained individuals, perhaps armed with Bible-study materials, poised at any moment to share their wisdom. As a result, many of us disqualify ourselves from such a task, fearing that we’re haven’t got what it takes.

But – and here’s the gem – the reality is that we don’t have to do, or be, anything. When Jesus said ‘Go and make disciples of all nations’, he was inviting us to participate in the work that the Father is already doing in people’s lives. He wasn’t suggesting that our wise or persuasive words would convince people into the Kingdom.

And so when we listen to someone, Christian or not, we’re giving them space to share their stories. We’re affirming their inherent value by our attention and questions. And just sometimes, the words that we give space to be spoken reveal to them the presence of the Father right there in the midst of whatever they’re facing.

Top Tips

Learning how to listen well does cost us something (our time, our concentration), but you don’t have to have any particular qualifications other than an interest in someone else’s life. The people we live and work alongside are fascinating but often we know very little about the stories they could tell.

To whet your appetite, here are a few top tips for learning to listen:

1. Be curious. The people around you are more interesting than you might think.

2. Ask questions. And when they've answered, ask another question about what they've said.

3. Resist the temptation to try and fix things. There is such value in the airing of difficult things, don’t feel like you have to offer solutions.

4. Resist the temptation to refer everything back to yourself. If they tell a story about trapping their finger in a door, don’t immediately tell them the story of when your finger was severed by a chainsaw (for example).

5. Remember that God is already at work in this person’s life. The pressure is off.

The beauty of listening to someone is that it can happen anywhere – the train to work, passing on the street, standing by the photocopier. You don’t need to carve out quiet, uninterrupted space (although it’s great if you do get that).

Choosing to listen well is wonderfully countercultural; it’s a choice to reclaim real conversation in the world of status updates and tweets. There won’t be earth-shattering moments every time you try it, in fact there may never be. But we cannot underestimate how significant it might be to someone; what it might show them of the God who listens so intently to the details of their lives.

So let’s take seriously the encouragement in the letter of James to be ‘quick to listen, slow to speak’ (James 1:19). Let’s rebel against the flippancy of this age and actually get to know the people we’re surrounded by (especially those we live with – ouch).

We all need to be listened to, and we all need to listen. It’s not just a nice skill to make people feel better about themselves – it’s actually a profound act of love.

As the writer Norman Wakefield puts it:

‘Listening says, “I want to understand you. I want to know you.” It is one of the most basic ways to convey a sense of respect, to treat another person with dignity … listening embodies something of the nature of God himself.’