What are the main reasons that people don’t get alongside others? I want to suggest three:

1. I don’t have the confidence 
2. I don’t qualify 
3. I don’t have capacity

1. Courage to go beyond where you feel confident

I don’t have anything to give that person. What would they be able to learn from me? Many people have this sense that they aren’t quite ‘spiritual’ enough or ‘sorted’ enough to be let loose as an alongsider. The confidence issue is real and perhaps the greatest challenge standing in the way of mobilising the alongsider movement in the UK.

I have said before that close relationships are inherently ‘formational’, by which I mean that we form (or influence) people all the time. I influence the lives of my family and friends by sharing my life, my ideas, my time. In fact, the more I am connected to people, the more I form them. You might feel you need more confidence to be an alongsider, but realising you are already in the business of influencing people is a good starting place.

Making disciples is about forming people according to the most beautiful, true and grace-filled reality the world has ever known, Jesus Christ. Since Jesus changes everything, we want to help people put Jesus at the centre of their goals, fears and hopes. We want to help people listen to him through his word, talk to him through prayer, have their identity re-shaped by a God who cares about every inch of their lives.

This is where the promise of Isaiah 61 is so significant for us. Jesus (the Lord’s servant) brings good news, which releases us from the prisons of sin and profoundly re-frames our identities (v 1). The brokenhearted are bound up and the captives are freed (v 1). We are dressed in ‘a crown of beauty instead of ashes’ and ‘a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair’ (which in this context alludes to the priestly robes), so we look like kings (v 3). We need to be shaped more by the truth of what Jesus says about us, than our internal dialogues. You can have confidence because you are now clothed in beauty because of Jesus.

I have to preach this truth to myself all the time! I can’t remember a time when I have felt really confident as an alongsider, but I take courage. I know this is God’s work and that he has placed me where I am. I can take intentional steps of faith to get alongside someone, trusting that he will work through me. It is always a stretch to my faith in God; it’s always beyond my comfort zone. Faith is the foundation of our confidence and our courage – the belief that somehow Jesus is truly with us as we get alongside others.

2. Your story of comfort qualifies you

What do I do when I get alongside someone? Where do I even start? Many wonder if they are competent enough to be an alongsider, whether they have the know-how and skills required.

The danger is that disciple making is viewed as being only for the ‘professionals’. People can disqualify themselves from a calling that in Matthew 28:18-20 was for the whole church. One of the main reasons we use the word ‘alongsider’ is that it’s easy to forget that God is the primary agent of change in people’s lives not us. We are alongside others as together we focus on God and allow him to work. Your job isn’t to be clever enough or creative enough to bring change; your job is to turn up, to be present and to facilitate God’s involvement in someone’s life.

Isaiah 61 talks about experiences of God’s grace transforming our lives and relationships. So much of our competency comes out of our story of how the grace of Jesus has changed us. The Apostle Paul talks about how we can comfort others out of the comfort God has given us, which keeps the focus on him:

‘… the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.’ (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Being an alongsider starts in relationship, so knowing how to build a good relationship is critical – for example, growing trust, listening well and asking good questions. Within our relationships we want to be intentional about keeping God the focus, so we do things like praying together, reading the Bible or memorising a verse together.

With simple building blocks like these, which help us share the grace we have experienced, we can help people reorient their lives and conversations towards the Lord. We would love to help you grow in these skills. Check out our resources to discover how to get started or how to go deeper (for example, Time Out With God is a really simple guidebook you could go through with someone to help them start meeting with God each day).

3. Your capacity to overflow

I don’t have time or energy to do something new. I’m just really busy at the moment. Getting alongside people is costly: it takes time, it takes effort and we already lead busy lives. Our willingness to pay the price of getting alongside others is dependent on a shift in perspective: instead of attempting to stop just short of an overbusy life, we can receive God’s gift of the overflowing life.

Disciple making is a vision of love – love received from God, which fills us up to the brim, and love given, which overflows to others. We can choose to be the mediator of divine love to those around us. Isaiah 61 promises that, as Jesus followers, we are transformed from the broken to the beautiful to the bountiful people of God, who act as the ‘rebuilders and restorers’ of our broken world. It is utterly captivating!

Getting alongside someone isn’t a new technique or marketing method to fill up our diaries. It’s about holding out life in all its fullness, in the most natural way possible: through our God-given relationships.

Rather than focusing on the costs, we can lift our eyes to God’s purposes and our calling within them. God knows the shape of your life – in fact, he is the one who set your limits and your spheres of influence. Ask him to move you with the conviction that your life matters, that your relationships are critical to God’s purposes and that God is calling you to his purposes within them.  

What’s stopping you? 

Is there something stopping you from getting alongside someone? Perhaps you don’t feel confident, qualified or able to commit. We can bring these concerns to God.

He is at work, extending his love into this broken world, and somehow we are central to that plan. You, dear reader, are central to that plan.