It was one of the lowest moments of my life. I was facing a dilemma at university that was forcing me to question the foundations of my embryonic adult life. I vividly remember screaming into my pillow in anguish one night, before battling with sleep and waking up feeling more fragile than ever before. Dishevelled and lonely, I left my hall of residence, the cold air unwelcome in my lungs, a winter frost crunching under my tired feet. And inexplicably, as if from nowhere, a verse from the Bible dropped into my psyche. I remember its arrival with crystal clarity, almost two decades later: ‘Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.’

Except it hadn’t come from nowhere. It had been planted there in my teenage years. 

1. Hide the word of God in your heart

My parents were both Navigators. I knew this from a young age for two life-changing reasons. The first is that they had amazing friendships with fellow Navs (more on that in a moment). And the second is they learned Bible verses. And they didn’t just learn Bible verses, they made me learn Bible verses.

I went to school on the other side of the city where I grew up. My dad, a senior partner in a law firm, would drive me to the city centre and I would get a bus out to school. On the car journey, as a teenager, I just wanted to talk about football with my dad. But before we were allowed to do so, we had to recite our verses. Over the course of five years, we memorised a verse from every book in the Bible. Apart from being a quirky party trick, I often questioned why on earth this was important. Until, when I needed it the most, on that morning, as the cracks appeared in the foundations of my life, it was that verse from Lamentations 3:22-23 that moved from my head to my heart and the word of the Lord and the Lord of the word saved me. 

The first principle that God will use to sustain, change and save your life is memorising Scripture. And I learned it from the Navigators. 

2. Strive to be the best of friends

The second is depth of friendship. My mum and dad were not socialites. Dad was a renowned introvert – found in the corner at parties, far from the life and soul. But they both had friends who they shared all of life with. They modelled to me the importance of time, presence and vulnerability with others and sacrifice for them. Dad died in 2004. His best friend spoke at his funeral and shared how my dad had played a pivotal role in his decision to follow Jesus. This man is still a Navigator to this day. 

My captivation with friendship grew when Covid arrived. The discouragement of publishing my first book the week all the bookshops closed in March 2020 was compounded and overshadowed by the terminal cancer and death of my mum a few months later. Two things accompanied me through the valley: faith and friendship. Over the months that followed, as part of my research, I asked countless people whether they had ever read a book or heard a talk on friendship. Hardly any had. I became convinced that the heart and art of being the best of friends was one that we were seriously neglecting.  

The friendship conversation

The research I undertook led to a couple of things. Firstly I began to talk about friendship to anyone who would listen – in conversations over coffee, on platforms at conferences, in small groups of students and OAPs and from pulpits in churches. And as I did, it resonated everywhere. People of all ages, backgrounds and stories talked of quantity over quality, superficiality over depth and a deep hunger for more. The second thing that happened is I wrote The Best of Friends. This time around, the bookshops stayed open and we could celebrate with proper in-person launch events with canapes and cake. 

Since February 2023, the greatest achievement of the book is that it has raised the volume of the conversation on friendship, at a time when it has arguably never been needed more. In December, the World Health Organisation declared that loneliness is a ‘global public health concern’. For many in our world, this is a matter of life and death. 

Friendship matters for discipleship. That’s why I am so encouraged by the Nav’s prophetic rallying call to be ‘alongsiders’. People become more like Jesus together. Life is a team game, not an individual pursuit. There’s a reason that when Jesus came to change the world, he called a group of people to do it with him and he called them his friends. 

Friendship also matters for evangelism. I am a missiologist. I study how people become Christians. The single greatest human influence in someone choosing to follow Jesus is not a platform evangelist or a pastor, it is a friend, family member or work colleague. And yet 46% of Christians don’t know a non-Christian well enough to invite them to church (Talking Jesus Report, 2022). 

So, my deep encouragement to you as you read this is to throw yourself into these two values. Hide the word of God in your heart and strive to be the best of friends. I am so grateful to the Navigators for how they have helped me understand these game changing principles of life and I want to urge you to pursue them. They really are a matter of life and death.