I love structure, so I’m often in danger of making discipleship into a neat process, where maturity can be mapped with key stages, tools to go through, verses to memorise… How utterly stupid!

I have the privilege and struggle of leading a Bible-study group made up of the most unlikely people, who don’t seem to fit elsewhere but who have become my friends. All I know is that God brought us together and is working through us together.

Here’s the story of how this came about and how God is not limited to any tool (however helpful!) or any type of person (however unhelpful!). 

Our story

Sitting on my bed during lockdown, things were not good and I was definitely not at peace with God.  I lamented, ‘Can’t you just fix it, God, like a lightning bolt.’ Instead I distinctly remember being told, ‘Go to church’ – that was the last thing I wanted to do, as I hadn’t been involved in a church in years and I never was a great church goer even when I had.

After church-shopping online and bargaining with God that I don’t like commuting, I started going to my local church, just around the corner. I turn up late, sit on the back row and leave as fast as possible. Over time I meet a group of people, who don’t fit the mould or the structures of society, also sitting on the back row.

We end up a chatting a bit each week and my dashes for the exit become a bit stunted. God slowly changes my heart and I really want to study the Bible again and bizarrely I suggest we meet up to go through a passage in the Bible at someone’s house. Even more bizarrely, they say yes and in time Back Row Buddies is formed. 

Unconventional, unqualified, ill-suited

We are a very unconventional, unqualified, ill-suited bunch of people, yet over time we have become really close brothers and sisters in Christ. We meet every Friday night – there are between two and five of us, using different communication methods to suit each person’s needs. I cook a meal, but often it’s just two of us, another dials in via WhatsApp, one turns up after the meal (I don’t think she is keen on my cooking!) and another via phone call.

I lead a Bible study (we’ve just finished going through Luke – it took a year – and at one point I didn’t think we would ever make it to Jerusalem) and the Holy Spirit is changing my friends’ hearts gradually. When they are on form, they encourage each other by reading passages out loud, answering questions and enjoying ‘Prayer Carnage’, where each person is given something to pray for someone else and we go round in a certain order (which inevitably goes wrong!). We have become quite a unit, supporting each other practically too, such as when a member’s phone was stolen, we used our different skills and knowledge to calm him, cancel the phone contract and help order a new one. 

Family fallouts

Yet there is a cost to this. We have had many lows, as families do, from storming out of Bible study sessions to no contact for months, leaving us deeply worried, and even criticisms of the Bible study format (outrageous!).

Over the past year to 18 months, God has changed my heart to love these people as brothers and sisters in Christ, but it is so hard sometimes. I wonder whether I can relate, as their lives are not easy and they face difficulties I couldn’t handle? Sometimes they just do or say something hurtful and I’m left asking God to help me to forgive, love and point them onto the right path again. Yet we meet every week, as it is God’s word that is the truth they need to hear and study and I know for some of them, this is the only dose they will get all week.

Jesus experienced similar highs and lows with the disciples, from sending out the 72 and them coming back with joy because of the power of God’s message (Luke 10:1-17) to having to discipline Peter, calling him Satan for trying to put Jesus off his ultimate mission of going to the cross (Matthew 16:13-23).

What God’s hands have done 

Paul, a great preacher and teacher, writes letters to the churches he formed and loves, warning of the potential for all his hard work to unravel (Galatians 3:1-3). If this was just mere human works, Paul would have despaired. However, it is God’s work and we can trust him to build and watch over it (Psalm 127:1). One of my favourite verses is Psalm 92:4-5:

‘For you make me glad by your deeds, LORD;
I sing for joy at what your hands have done.
How great are your works, LORD,
how profound your thoughts!’

The Back Row Buddies are part of God’s family and definitely God’s workmanship, as he brought us together. These people are not my mini-project but part of God’s plan. God is responsible for working in them and changing their hearts and it is a joy to see them starting to serve God and look beyond themselves because of Jesus. Therefore, I can praise God for the good deeds he is doing in them and with them, even though they don’t fit into the standard Christian model.