The inner critic is the voice that says, ‘Look! You failed again’ or ‘You can’t do that’. It builds on messages that we received in childhood and unconsciously accepted as truth. Then, life’s experiences reinforce these messages, as we see things through our ‘failure glasses’, gathering evidence to confirm the initial message. This can leave us walking in shame, effectively putting limits around how God might choose to use us for the extension of his kingdom. 
 
Yet, through my counsellor and spiritual-direction training, I have embarked on a journey to understand my inner critic and move forwards, allowing God to use this voice for the positive in my life and seeking to help others do the same.

Friend or foe?

Acknowledging this voice allows God to challenge me. The inner critic highlights areas where I’m not flourishing and living a joyful life. It shows where my focus has slipped away from God and biblical truth, where self has taken centre stage. Unconsciously I’m wanting to give God a hand in what he is doing, and perhaps even trying to earn and deserve more of his love. In effect, I’m not really sitting as his beloved child in whom he delights. Also, I’m not accepting that my salvation is by faith not works.

God has used my inner critic to help me choose to believe and more fully embrace the truth of Zephaniah 3:17: 

‘For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.’ (NLT)

It’s important to recognise what’s going on spiritually. The truth is that we are in a spiritual battle, but we are victorious in Christ. Satan is the accuser, looking to draw us away from God. This inner critical voice can do just that, eating away at our sense of our true identity as God’s beloved children, and at our confidence that God can use us for his glory and the extension of his kingdom. So, we need to recognise the inner critic’s voice and turn it from foe to friend, by speaking truth over any lies.

Working with your inner critic

I’ve found this 3 Cs model very helpful – when I remember to use it!

C – Catch: Be aware and recognise the inner critical voice.

C – Check: Go to biblical truths.

C – Change: Modify your response to the voice and fight lies.

Let me illustrate…

C – Catch:
I’m invited to write this blog and immediately my critic says, ‘You are not a wordsmith – remember the trouble you had in junior school writing in your ‘tall book’ and how you only just passed English O level.’ The internal evidence that reinforces that critical message comes flooding in. I even have a picture in my mind of the tall book!

C – Check
Having recognised this voice, which is basically telling a lie, I’m able to check in with the truth of Psalm 139:13-14. There were no mistakes in the way God made me and knit me together in my mother’s womb; I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. I can follow Jesus’ example, as seen during his temptation, and fight back with biblical truth.

C - Change
I can reframe my initial ‘No way’ reactive response and choose to believe biblical truth, which enables me, in this case, to say yes. I can see that, with God’s guidance and a bit of editorial help, I am able to communicate. It may not be playing to my strengths and if I compare myself to others I likely won’t come out on top, but truth is truth.

It’s all about self-awareness and self-compassion, as we reframe that critical thought.

Inner critics and alongsiding

As I think about walking alongside people, I often need to reframe that critic voice inside me that says: ‘God won’t use you – don’t you remember that time when you missed, or mucked up, this kind of opportunity before?’ I’m sure we’ve all experienced that guilt trip. Recognising what is going on frees me to respond with grace and truth. I can take up the challenge to walk alongside others, with expectant faith that God will be at work in my life and in the lives of those I draw alongside.

As I walk with others, I try to notice the influence of their inner critic, as we share day-to-day life. This helps me to gently, with wisdom and love, point them to biblical truths, which I trust God will use in their lives. I especially have my listening antenna alert for their convictions on the truths that have been foundational for me: That we can sit in God’s everlasting love as his beloved children, fearfully and wonderfully made, and that he gives each of us a unique contribution in the Body of Christ, using our strengths and knowing our current context and life experiences.

We can catch our inner critic, check what’s its saying against what God says about us, and respond in light of this changed perspective. We can help others befriend their inner critic and bring God’s words into the conversation.