Even lots of good things can feel like too much when they all come at once! I wonder if that’s how you feel about December. It’s definitely how I felt about November – that is, until a ping cut through all the noise. My friend’s message read: 

‘Our dearest Holly, you are invited as guest of honour to your own birthday party. This Sunday afternoon for cake and bubbles! This will be for us 4 and our families. The kids can play, the men can chat and we can do birthday ❤️🥳 The decision is officially off your hands ❤️’

I stifled a laugh and then blinked back tears. This little message left me feeling seen and known. I felt honoured and worthy of celebrating. I felt relieved to give up on the idea of party-planning and excited to be able to still ‘do birthday’ with friends.

This group began as a prayer triplet. After a casual conversation at church, one of us sent a group invite called ‘Shall we pray?’ When our kids were young, we met up regularly, but recently this WhatsApp group has been our main ‘meeting’ place – somewhere we know it is safe to go when everything feels like too much.

TMI

That message was the result of one I sent a month before, which I’m a bit embarrassed by it, but here it is:

‘Guys, I have a somewhat desperate/needy invite for you... Would you be free to do something vaguely birthday related with me? I don’t feel like I have the bandwidth to plan a party, but Steve will be in Germany that weekend and I have the boys’ parties to plan either side, so I’d love to do something fun/celebratory for me too. It could be an afternoon stroll/playground trip with kids/evening at mine. Just throwing the idea out there – no worries at all if the dates don’t work for you.’

This timid, slash-filled message was edited several times and almost deleted. Is it just TMI? Too much info, too much on show, too much about me?! I hit ‘Send’ anyway.

Hebrews 4:13-16 offers a surprising invitation. Verse 16 says,

‘Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.’ (NIV)

Each of us is safe to pour out our hearts to God. What we bring is never too much for him to handle. Notice that it begins, ‘Let us approach’. Unlike the far-flung sharing of influencers, alongsiders draw near. We can embody God’s grace by sharing honestly and reminding each other that God is here too, that he is listening intently, responding in loving kindness, noticing the everyday and the earth-shattering.

Uncovered

The #NoFilter social-media movement (which continues to gain momentum) shows that we long to share the reality of our lives, but our confidence in each other falters – and rightly so, when broadcasting to a wide audience. We’ll only find the mercy and grace we need within the safety of relationships built on trust. An alongsider relationship has its own microclimate of grace, formed over time, life to life, in a million little ways.

Being unfiltered, even among trusted friends, still involves risk. Sometimes we have to apologise for being insensitive, self-orientated or gossipy. But, even in those instances, we can remind each other that there is no such thing as an overshare in God’s throne room of grace. Verse 15 tells us that Jesus is able to sympathise with our weaknesses. He was never insensitive, self-orientated or gossipy, but he knows every temptation all too well.

Verse 13 says, ‘Everything is uncovered and laid bare’ before God’s eyes. Isn’t it wonderful that the ‘Therefore’ in verse 14 doesn’t say, ‘Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hide away our weaknesses’ or ‘let us edit out our sin and struggles from our conversations … because the great high priest is watching!’ That’s not Jesus’ way. Instead, we just need to hold firmly to the gospel of grace.

After sending that WhatsApp message to my friends, I felt uncovered and laid bare, embarrassed by my neediness, indecision and inability to organise events. But, in a very Jesus way, my friends rallied, saying they’d love to celebrate me and suggesting various options. And, in a very Holly way, I dithered and delayed. My husband’s trip shifted, life got even busier, and I felt weird about making a fuss. I figured I’d let the opportunity pass and save everyone the trouble...

But then that message pinged. And I laughed and cried. I felt seen and known, honoured and worth celebrating, relieved and excited.

The rejection of polish

Suzanne van Leeuwen gave me a gem of advice, as I was writing this: ‘Be real… That’s our challenge: to not be polished versions of ourselves.’ Christmas adverts and Hallmark movies cover everything in a thick layer of ‘Christmas magic’, but interestingly influencers are being encouraged to ‘reject polish’ too.

I feel confident in saying that each of us – and all those around us – will have moments in the run-up to Christmas when everything will feel like too much (including our neediness). And we will be tempted to add a bit of polish to cover this: to somehow hold ourselves together in tinsel and tape!

Of course, the root of our struggles is sin – giving in to the temptation to hold it all together ourselves, rather than relying on God. We cannot handle sin without Jesus.

What a gift it is to be each other’s safe place, where we can confidently come and unload what is too heavy for us (or too mortifying to share elsewhere) and experience the mercy and grace of God in our time of need. In fact, to do otherwise is the opposite of being real, it’s a lie. We are called to carry each others’ burdens (Galatians 6:2), but this doesn’t work unless we are prepared to be on both the receiving and the offloading ends of this.

Is there someone, or a few people, with whom you can be unpolished, unfiltered and in need this Christmas time?

When feeling overfull

Life feels full. Hold it together!

Ticking off to dos & crossing off dates,
Squeezing in another party & sampling another pud,
Pouring into friendships & feeding the Christmas cake,
Filling up the basket & emptying the reserves,
Wrapping up gifts & unwrapping chocs,
Piling on layers & emptying the recycling,
Clearing the decks & buying new decs.

This time of year is full on…
But I’m holding it all together in scarves, Sellotape & butcher’s twine.

Hold up! Wait a minute… Somethin’ ain’t right.

Just stop, full stop – just for a minute.

Let’s return to the one who fills everything in every way – and let’s go there together.
Let’s release what we’re clinging onto.
Let’s rest our hands in Gods’.
Let’s receive His peace, His joy & His fullness.

We are the fullness of Him, who fills everything, in every way.
We are full – oh so full!
We are His.
Fully His.
Hold your horses – Hold on to Him, together.