Google tells me that patience as a fruit of the Spirit (translated as ‘forbearance’ in the NIV) means being slow to anger and enduring harsh treatment or provocation without retaliating or seeking revenge. Older translations often use the word ‘longsuffering’.

Now, I’m not super qualified to be a model of patience. When provoked, I’m often quick with a sharp retort or feisty response. But God’s been at work growing this fruit through the challenging dynamic of my neighbours.  

From irritation to prayer 

Back in 2023, I was struggling with barking dogs under my bedroom window, the waft of weed drifting up, swearing, slamming doors and mountains of rubbish accumulating in our shared spaces. My disapproval, judgementalism and irritation were obvious, but the Holy Spirit wasn’t deterred.  

On Bonfire Night 2024, I looked out on a family gathering. There were huge, questionably appropriate fireworks, but there was also lots of laughter and conversation. As I watched, I found myself praying for the safety of everyone gathered around the brazier. Before long, that prayer turned into gratitude that they were enjoying time together as a family, something that seemed all too rare. Then I began asking Father God to bless them. 

I’d often tried to turn my annoyance at noise or inconvenience into prayer, supported by friends and my small group, who were also praying for God to move in the situation. But that Bonfire Night felt significant because it marked a shift in my attitude. God was using the situation to grow patience in me, softening my irritation into compassion and helping me see my neighbours differently. (It also felt almost miraculous that two of the dogs were later rehomed and the third eventually died at a ripe old age.) 

A thaw in the relationship 

As I look back, I can trace another significant change stemming from the summer of 2025. A very unfortunate incident meant that the teenager downstairs vaguely overheard someone being not very complimentary about them. I heard it too and challenged the words used but would not repeat them to the teenager or to his mum who quickly appeared on the scene. I made it clear I did not agree with the comment and it was out of order. The mum then told me she knew I would not say anything unkind about any of her children. Apparently in all these years, she has noticed how I speak to them and treat them kindly. That’s when I sensed a definite thawing in our interactions. Looking back, I can see that the patience God had been growing in me was beginning to bear fruit in the relationship.

During the autumn there were several pleasant exchanges, and I heard about a family situation where I was able to express concern (and pray into it). Then it came time to host the Carols on the Corner, which I do each year outside my flat where I park my car. I was very aware of the heap of rubbish that had accumulated in our shared space outside. It has been one of the things most likely to push my buttons. The mum announced she’d get that cleared away in time for the Carol Singing and she followed through on this. It was like a dawning of insight into how their behaviour impacts me as we live in close proximity.

Unexpected neighbourliness 

Just after Christmas, I came back from holiday on the very day Birmingham experienced a heavy fall of snow. I arrived from the train station to see the children playing outside in the snow and was greeted with concern that driving would be very hazardous the next day. Both parents told me that if I needed anything I was to knock on their door rather than go out myself. This was a total first and left me amazed and thanking God that while it was freezing outside, there was a warmth of neighbourliness in such contrast to a few years earlier. Patiently investing in the relationship had borne fruit in ways I could never have engineered.

The good connections have continued for the past nine months. I am realising that the number of rows and raised voices have decreased downstairs in the past year. Is there still rubbish left around? Yes! When possible, I’ll pick up bits and put in the bin, but I’m doing this with far less angst than before. Do I still get annoyed? Yes! I often don’t feel patient with things I don’t like, but I’m learning that patience is less about how I feel and more about choosing, with God’s help, not to let irritation have the final word. Choosing to overlook certain behaviours has been worth it for the deeper connection and the budding genuine relationships. 

Paul understood that God’s patience towards us is the foundation for our patience towards others: ‘But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.’

I am finding it much easier to live alongside this family. Of course, I would also love to have opportunities to talk about Jesus. This no longer feels an impossible scenario, but I do want to keep in step with the Holy Spirit, allowing him to keep working in me too. Perhaps the following questions will help us all keep aware of what Father God is seeking to grow in us: 

• Where is a dysfunctional relationship pushing my buttons?

• When my goals are thwarted, what may God be inviting me into?

• In what ways is God consistently patient with my foibles and failures?

• What one thing can I be grateful for in a current annoyance or difficult relationship?