Shei-Lin, an alongsider working in education, reflects on finding God’s gentle strength in difficult conversations, challenging relationships and everyday life. This is part of our series on the fruit of the Spirit (featuring artwork by Daniel White).

What comes to mind when you think of gentleness?

Today it might suggest a quiet, calm or even acquiescent disposition. Dictionaries describe it as a mild, considerate approach: action done with care and restraint.

The Greek word behind the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians is prautēs, which can be described as humble and considerate, or strength under control. It is a disposition that holds strength or authority with restraint, refusing violence, revenge or superiority. In short, it is power under God’s control.

I can think of many times I was sure my opinion was right. I might see a friend or colleague being treated unfairly and feel that the person responsible should know exactly what they’ve done wrong, what they need to do to put it right, and feel bad about it too! At moments like that, gentleness is usually the last thing on my mind.

But, even in those moments, I have a choice.

2 Timothy 2:23-25 says:

‘Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth...’

Whether we share the gospel directly or through the way we live, we are to do so with the other person’s best interests at heart. Our job is to point people gently to God, presenting truth with kindness and respect, and trusting him with the outcome.

Gentle truth, gentle presence

Elijah epitomises gentleness for me. He is often deeply troubled, yet his faith in God holds even in moments of great fear and self-doubt. He is frequently alone, hungry and so tired he wants to die (1 Kings 19:4).

In 1 Kings 17, Elijah must deliver a message to Ahab, a king who ‘did more evil in the eyes of the LORD than any of those before him’ (1 Kings 16:30). He knows it will not be welcome, yet he delivers it simply and plainly:

‘As long as the LORD, the God of Israel lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word’ (1 Kings 17:1)

That is gentleness towards Ahab: stating the truth clearly, saying what God asked him to say and no more.

Later, Elijah shows the same gentleness and respect to the widow at Zarephath (1 Kings 17:7-24), whose son falls ill and dies while Elijah is staying under her roof. Distraught, she hears him say only, ‘Give me your son.’

He takes the boy and cries out to the Lord. To the widow, Elijah displays confidence in God’s power. Yet alone with God he is desperate, fearful and deeply dependent. Three times he cries out before the boy’s life returns. I can only imagine the thoughts running through his mind during the first two prayers.

Then he simply hands the boy back to his mother and says:

‘Look, your son is alive.’

The widow’s eyes are opened to who God really is.

I wonder how often gentleness looks like that for us. Not having all the answers, but choosing to stay present with someone in their pain. Not forcing a solution, but trusting God to do what only he can do.

Listening for the whisper

Later, facing further threats from Ahab and Jezebel, Elijah is afraid and running for his life. Sitting under a bush, he says:

‘I have had enough, LORD… Take my life…’

God’s response is not rebuke but care. He feeds Elijah, gives him rest and provides shelter.

Then the Lord reveals his presence in ‘a gentle whisper’. He is not in the wind that tears mountains apart, the earthquake or the fire. The Almighty chooses the gentlest of ways.

The All-Powerful is gentle with us.

As the Spirit grows this fruit in us, along with the rest, we are drawn closer to God and made more like Jesus.

So what does gentleness look like day to day?

For me, it means approaching difficult conversations with the grace that Jesus extends to me. It means speaking up where I see injustice, whether towards myself or others, with consideration and respect: strength under control, truth spoken with certainty and love.

It also means receiving God’s gentleness towards me. When I feel defeated, afraid, angry or spent, I want to wait faithfully for his whisper in the midst of the storm.

Perhaps  gentleness is not weakness after all, but strength surrendered to God for the  good of others.