Pain and suffering are part and parcel of life. We can’t escape. As disciples of Jesus, how do we navigate hurt well? How do we find a way through?

We are all continually faced with the reality of suffering and brokenness. Yet expressing sorrow or grief can make us feel very uncomfortable – it can make us squirm. So, we hide. We plaster on that smile. I know I really like to maintain the illusion that I can manage, that I’m doing just fine and that all is well in my world. Even when it’s not.

However, there are advantages to being brought down to a dark place and being forced to remove our mask. We confront reality and ask the question that we all desperately need to have answered:

When the bottom falls out of my world, where do I go? What do I do?

Developing resilience takes honesty

In recent years, I have spent a lot of time reading ‘the laments’ in the Bible. The language of lament can be found peppered throughout the Bible, but the Psalms are a particular favourite of mine. They don’t hold back! They are totally, unapologetically honest, which deeply appeals to me. Instead of hurrying past their pain or trying to stifle their doubts, the writers allow themselves to linger a while and to express their raw emotions before God. And as I read, I see myself, my struggles, my questions, my tears.

Lament is a beautiful way of inviting God to be present with us in our sorrow, in our brokenness, and asking him to act. God, in his kindness and love, encourages our honest laments. He loves it when we come to him as we are.

The language of lament has been a game changer for me. I am convinced that God welcomes my lament and that he can handle all of it – my grief, my sadness, my fury. I am free to acknowledge before God that my reality is not what I expected or wanted, and I have space to mourn.

I love that I don’t have to pretend with God. I can (and I do) sit with God and cry, all the while feeling safe in God’s love and care of me.

Developing resilience takes humility

However, biblical lament is so much more than expressing sorrow; it is actively clinging on to Jesus! Recognising that our hope and our help are found in him alone. Lament takes humility. It presupposes that we know we can’t handle whatever we’re carrying on our own. We need help, and that is okay – we were made with God-given limitations. We are human, designed to need each other and, most of all, to need Jesus.

I love these verses from Colossians 1:16-17: ‘…all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things and in him all things hold together’.

The phrase ‘You’ve got this!’ is often used to encourage and spur people on. I personally find it deeply unhelpful and anxiety-inducing! It makes the assumption that I should be able to cope, that I have all the resources I need within me to succeed, to thrive, and if I don’t, then there is something very wrong with me. I know all too well that I don’t have this, not at all – I am not enough on my own to navigate my life, to wade through my burdens and my needs, to find hope in amongst the hopelessness, chaos and anxiety of modern life. ‘God’s got this’ is way better – it frees us from that suffocating expectation.

It is God who has spoken all life into being. He alone has the final word on who we are and our future. It is God who holds it all together. He is the ultimate navigator. He knows everything about me, my every single thought, my every single nuance – and He loves me! He is at work in and through me. He’s got me, in every way. He is my rescuer. And I am glad.

My story

I have a long-standing prayer request that is extremely dear to my heart. As yet, the situation I continue to pray into remains unchanged. I’ve experienced times of debilitating grief – real despair, hopelessness and anger. I have found it incredibly difficult to trust God with this situation, always imagining that my way is best and struggling with bitterness as little changes. God has dealt with me gently. He has allowed me to sit with my sadness, rage and grief and to bring those raw emotions to him in prayer. Through his word he is tenderly reminding me of how he comes alongside his people and walks through the ups, the downs and everything in between with them. His word has revealed his faithfulness, love, grace, patience, mercy, kindness to me and as I see this – see him – my trust and my hope in him is being slowly restored. Waves of fresh grief still assail me at times, sometimes so strong, so powerful, they threaten to overwhelm me. But I know now where to go, what to do. I will keep praying, all the while reminding myself, over and over, that even if this prayer request is not met in the way I hope, that he will carry me through. He is my God, on whom I can always rely. He is enough.

Developing resilience takes hope

Lament invites us to live with defiant hope, despite the grief, the chaos and the deep sorrow in our fragmented world. And somehow as we freefall into his arms, knowing he can bear the weight of all that we are – our past, present and future – we can find joy in the experienced reality of God in this with us. We are seen. We are loved. We are held.

And one beautiful day, we will enter a place where the need for lament will be no more.